Things can only get worse before they get better. However, with all that has gone bad, I'm still waiting for the good to happen. I know on my last journal entry, which was months ago, was when my darling cat Susu got hit by a car. Well, he didn't make it. A couple days later he passed away in the hospital. I will miss my sweet little Susu...
That was months ago. Now, I have a new cat named Joey. He's a cute orange and white cat. Very lovable.
In the passing months, things have only gotten worse from there; there was a death in the family and I lost my cousin to a drunk teenage driver. She had only just been married days before this tragic event. thankfully her son and her husband were ok. My heart aches for this... Then other drama began to happen with friends. Misunderstandings became outlets for hatred and spite. I became hated for something they do not understand. Such is life and the way of humanity; hate what you do not understand.
I have not been doing well and have been on a steady decline in my emotions and failing strength to keep it all together. I have been buried in work I have a hard time finding the time to finish. Between taking care of my 3 (almost 4) year old daughter, cleaning the house, finding a real job, and trying to keep my husband happy, I haven't been able to sit and do my art like i should. Finding enough time for myself so I don't lose it altogether is rare as well. I have people at my left and right constantly asking when things will be done and I simply do not know what to tell them.
My heart is breaking because of everything surrounding me at the moment in life and I don't know how much longer I can stay strong and hold everything together. People... So many people demand my attention every day and when I don't give it to them it angers them. How can I work or even stay sane when I am being tugged around in all directions? I can't even sit and write a story or do the laundry without someone getting upset with me because I'm doing that and not talking to them. I can't even sit and just play a video game without my husband accusing me of ignoring him or neglecting him. I lose sleep every night just for the chance to have a little 'me' time away from literally everyone and everything causing me so much stress.
I made such a wonderful friend here. She is so kind and sweet. Hers is the place I go for peace. I adore her. I'm scared of losing her too. Every one of my friends grow to hate me over time... Even my dearest friend from childhood whom I loved with all my heart grew to despise me. I wish I could figure out what it is about me that make people hate me so much. Even so... why do they insist on loving me so much at the same time? "You're too damn likable." One friend says to me. I don't get it. If that were true, why am I so easily hated?
All of these things... and so much more... This has all been the reason I've been so behind in my work. I wish I could make everything all better. I wish I could assure everyone that everything will be fine and done soon.
I hope it will all be fine soon...